Here’s the thing, life can be tricky.
There are so many things out of our control, and life is inherently unpredictable. How do we stay in our magic when these things happen?
Our relentless search for happiness on the outside
Firstly let’s have a look at our relentless search for what is outside. Most of us continuously seek happiness outside of ourselves, finding our happiness in the latest fashion, orgasms, handbags, others’ approval, beautiful cars, pets, relationships, and pretty much anything that might bring us some happiness. But I ask you – have you found your happiness yet?
Sadly many of us associate our current or future happiness will be achieved when we find that one partner, one job, or purchase that one item, or the use drugs, alcohol, or sex. But what happens when these things are not obtained, or their allure fades, what happens to the perceived happiness these things have bought? If we get the object we want, it only pleases us temporarily, sooner or later it gives birth to dissatisfaction. The temporary happiness the mind experiences fades, then we start to experience the opposite – sorrow and insecurity. Most will keep purchasing and the cycle continues, instead of finding happiness, what we are seeking is a mirage, not the truth. No matter how much effort you make to please yourself by means outside of yourself, you will never feel fulfilled. Material things rarely fulfill a spiritual void. Our lack of connection with ourselves will not be satisfied by a car, a new dress or food.
So here is the good news, You Are the Happiness You Seek. Bliss is something we are born with, we bring it into this life and take it forward with us to other lives we may have in the future because it lives within us. It is always within us because bliss is the true state of Self, however, our mental state in each moment determines whether we feel it or not.
Although true bliss is found within, we keep searching for it in the mirage of external objects. The true bliss, the bliss that we seek will exist despite external circumstances, it will not wane with time, unlike the objects we seek. It will keep growing and expanding to overflow and its very nature is boundless, fullness, peace, and bliss. Infinite wholeness and fullness cannot be attained through the impermanent things of this world.
Free yourself from problems
Your inner growth is dependent upon realising the only way to find peace and bliss is to stop thinking about yourself. You will only be ready to grow when you finally realise that the “I” that is always thinking will never be happy. It always has an issue with something. When was the last time you really had nothing bothering you?
When you identify with the mind and its fluctuations, you identify with ceaseless changing states of mind: agitated, dull, and in some cases depressed. You become your emotions and negative thoughts and are consumed by many distractions and worries. When we rely on our minds, we continue to look outward, never inward, and remain attached to the fulfillment of promising objects and relationships. We become busy trying to control the uncontrollable, rearranging life circumstances, manipulating or pleasing people, or hoarding, selling, worshipping or serenading money, sex partnerships whilst neglecting our true inner potential. Your mind is naturally an instrument of abundance, yet in our mind’s associations, you experience the opposite.
The bottom line is you will never be free until we begin maintaining objective awareness when we look at our problems. The only real solution is to change our frame of reference. To attain true inner freedom, you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of getting lost in them. No solution can possibly exist while you are lost in the energy of a problem. We all understand that we cannot deal with any situation in a state of anxiety, fear, or anger. The first thing to do is to deal with your own reaction. You cannot solve anything unless you understand how the situation affects you on the inside. Problems are generally not what they appear to first be. When you are clear, you will realise that the real problem is actually inside of you. You have to break the habit of thinking that the solution to your problems is to rearrange things outside. The only permanent solution is to go inside and let go of the part of you that seems to have so many problems with reality.
The law of attraction
Whilst some modern spiritual teachers proclaim thoughts become things, ancient teachers say thoughts can only attract thoughts, not things. Things are not up to our minds to manifest or manipulate at will. However, it is true that better thoughts enable us to create better lives for ourselves. The law of attraction according to the Vedic Scriptures declare that “our life and our character become what we deeply believe”. Therefore, we must examine our deepest core beliefs to ensure they are as pure as possible. If our mind is generally anxious, agitated, distressed, depressed, or lethargic then we simply will attract more thoughts and ideas of the same or similar vibration. We won’t be able to achieve the goals we have set for ourselves. The more mature perspective is to cultivate a pure mind and recognise one’s own blissful spiritual nature, which can bring permanent happiness from within.
The universe, ensures we don’t simply get to attract what we want using our minds like “cosmic shopping carts” but that we get to experience karmic consequences because doing so, will serve our spiritual growth. And that is why, despite trying to attract wealth, romance, true love and health, we may experience financial or job losses, tragic deaths of loved ones, unwanted disease, accidents and even betrayers in love, all thanks to karma. Accepting karma will cultivate an attitude of greater acceptance of our material life – whether good or bad, rich or poor, happy or unhappy – and experience less envy, jealousy, judgment and there for less desperation.
We are not incarnated to simply have all of our wants fulfilled by the ever-willing universe, we are accountable to the universe for our actions and deeds. Whilst predetermination is a reality that we all encounter, you can choose to think empowered thoughts in the face of karmic life challenges and attract more positivity, courage, ingenuity, and inner resources from your higher Self as a result. The Serenity Prayer is very helpful here: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference”.
Our understanding of karma enables us to appreciate the discomforts, difficult relationships, and lack of wealth we encounter along our journey.
We must pay attention to our full array of feelings, but only until they tell us why they have arisen and we understand their wisdom. Suppression or avoidance of emotions disrupts and disturbs the entire emotional intelligence. What is left behind is often mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Avoidance of emotions can also lead to destructive behavior, such as eating disorders, substance abuse and all kinds of addictions. These behaviors help us avoid experiencing difficult feelings in the short run, but only make the situation worse in the long run and prolong the suffering. We make so many more problems but do not deal with the current problem.
Your views, your opinions, preferences, goals, concepts and beliefs are all ways of bringing the infinite universe down to the finite where you can feel a false sense of control. Since the analytical mind does not deal with the infinite, we create an alternate reality of finite thoughts that can remain fixed within the mind. These mental models become our realities. The issue with this is that we now struggle day and night to make the world fit our models and we label things that don’t fit as wrong, bad, or unfair.
When things occur that challenge the way you view things, you may fight, or defend or rationalise. Frustrations and anger may arise over simple little things. This is the result when things are unable to fit into what is actually happening in your model of reality. To go beyond your model, you must understand why you build it. If you really want to understand why you do certain things the best way is to stop. Let’s say you are a smoker. IF you stop smoking, you will quickly be confronted by cravings and urges – these urges are the reason you smoke. They are the outer layer of the cause. If you can sit through the urges, you will see what caused them. If you can get comfortable with that, you will then face the next layer of causation. Humans are constantly trying to stay within their comfort zones, struggling to keep people, places and things in a manner that supports your model. The moment that these things go another way your mind starts telling you “what should I do about this?”. Your mind is telling you to fix it. It doesn’t really matter what you end up doing, its all about getting back within your comfort zone.
When you truly awaken spiritually, you realised we are all caged. You’re constantly hitting the limits of your comfort zone, you are too afraid to say what you think, and you are too afraid to freely express yourself. Why? Because of the limits, you have put on yourself. Going beyond happens when you are willing to face reality without mental boundaries.
Going beyond means your days will unfold and the mind doesn’t judge, things may happen, but you stay neutral. You interact with your day with a peaceful, inspired heart. This is how great humans live. Acceptance will lead you to psychological health every time. To deny any emotion, refuse to experience it, or hid or distract yourself from feeling it because you’re afraid or embarrassed is to deny a part of yourself.
The path of happiness
The path to bliss is a choice, it is the highest technique there is. You don’t have to learn Sanskrit, take a million self-help courses, or renounce to the world. You just really need to mean it when you say you choose to live in happiness. And you have to mean it regardless of external circumstances. Once you decide you want to be unconditionally happy, something will change within you. In fact, it is the unconditional aspect of your commitment that makes it the highest path. It’s so simple. You just have to decide whether or not you will break your vow. A million things could happen that you have not yet considered, the question is not whether they will happen, the real question is how will you respond when they do happen.
The purpose of life is to experience and overcome enjoyable and difficult situations to grow so we can achieve spiritual growth and learn. You are not helping anyone by being miserable. The fact is you were born and you are going to die. During the time in between, you can choose whether you are going to be happy. Every situation is just an event. You choose how you react and respond to them. You can be happy just to be alive. If you can live this way your heart will be so open you will become more in line with your Self.
BUT… if you want to be happy, you need to let go of the part of you that wants to create drama. This is the part of you that thinks there is a reason not to be happy.
Questions to ask yourself
- What is coming in the way of me and my true Self?
- What thoughts do I need to set aside and which do I need to focus on?
- What can I change in my attitude right now, in my daily activities, while at my job, in my relationships, as a parent, or while relating or communicating so I can be free and spontaneous at every level, all of the time, not just when I am meditating, on holiday or at a retreat?
- Why shouldn’t I be happy?
- What i am gaining by being bothered by life’s events?
At any time you feel anxious or needy, any time you find yourself fixated on things outside of yourself for the fulfillment, put both hands on your heart, one on top of the other, and repeat, with self-acknowledged feelings, the following words:
My wholeness lives inside me; my joy is right here in my own heart; my fullness lies right here. I can feel it. My Self is unconditional love; love is flowing through my heart.
Using the hand-heart mudra gesture with the following mantra will get you in touch with your Self. The gesture with the accompanying words instantly reawakens soul-memory. When we make contact gently, the inner Self contacts us back. (1)
Health benefits of being happy
Whilst there are many benefits to being happy, here are the top 5 health benefits we have identified:
- Di-sease prevention: Suppressing of emotions causes congestion in our energy flow and deprives our bodies of the energy required for growth and repair. Richard Gerber MD Vibrational Medicine quotes: “If we are blocked in some way and thus impair the flow of energy at any level of the system, disease results…proper energy output at the level of our emotional energy structure is also essential for the attainment and maintenance of high-level wellness.”
- Increases Vitality: Whether your emotions are conscious or subconscious, the outcome is still the same – our energy reserves are drained. Releasing them increases our vitality. The extended duration of an emotional state can rob you of your energy and vitality.
- Detoxifies your body: Self-pitting thoughts can zap your ability to operate effectively and keep us locked in a self-nonacceptance mode. Tears are in fact an effective mode for releasing emotions. They contain stress hormones and other toxins which are released from the body when you cry. Provided we ‘let go’ of the emotion after the cry, we can heal our wounds.
- Confidence building: Being aware of how we manage our emotions allows us to become more grounded when faced with challenges. Instead of moving to flight or fight mode in times of stress, we develop new constructive strategies for dealing with adversity. As we continue to practice releasing emotions and ‘letting go’ we become more confident with managing stresses, and traumas, and healing old wounds. This confidence is invaluable as it allows us to envisage and create a bright and vibrant future.
- Reduces pain and tension: Emotions are trapped within the body tissues. Prolonged unrealised anxiety, guilt or anger will result in increasingly tense and eventually hypertonic muscles. This is commonly the cause of neck and back pain.
Just as a storm can come between us and the light of the sun, the anxious, dull, agitated mind can block you from yourself. When you decide to choose happiness over anything you will realise the sun had never stopped shining, even for a single second, even behind the clouds. When you are truly free, you will no longer be influenced by external circumstances, others’ opinions, beliefs and lifestyles and you will not do things just because others are doing them.
If you need help clearing emotional blocks and releasing trauma, Kinesiology can help. Kinesiology muscle testing is invaluable for identifying stuck emotions, traumas and old wounds that we habitually hide from ourselves and others. Contact us today.
Author – Kinesiologist, Carla Kaine from A Life in Progress.
- Sovereign Self. Acharya Shunya.
- The Untethered Soul, Michael Singer