Mastering your mindset and emotions is becoming increasingly complex in our reactive culture. We have all been raised in a reactive way and we have all been in situations where we have been triggered by a situation or experience. Triggers are normal and it is up to you on how you choose to interpret and respond to these events. You have a choice – it is called your mindset.
Mastering your emotions comes down to understanding the difference between reactive and proactive thinking.
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Our environment is reactive, and when you are in a reactive state, it is difficult to have control over your emotions and often believe your life is controlled by external factors. Unfortunately, many of us are living in a reactive state without being fully conscious of it. If you think about how most of us start our mornings, our alarm goes off, we reach straight for our phones and start looking at social media or emails. This one act can divert our attention to other people’s agendas and set us on a reactive path for the day and we haven’t even gotten out of bed! Consider the alternative, we rise from bed, meditate, plan our day, consider what we need to achieve and who we need to enable us to move our projects forward and deal with our own agenda before others. How much more productive and proactive we would be.
Circle of Influence
“Where attention goes, energy flows”
If you would like to enjoy more time to achieve and fulfil the things that matter most to you, then consider what is possible when you spend less time worrying, talking and thinking about things that are outside of your control. Imagine if you spent the majority of your time thinking about things that are within your circle of influence (everything you have the power to change or create).
Proactive people concern themselves with what they are able to control and change, this also includes how they react to events that occur in their lives. According to Stephen Covey, productivity is one of the most important characteristics of successful and personally effective people. He states “being proactive means you are not waiting for circumstances or others to create a perspective expanding experiences. You can create your own”. You cannot control the outside world, the ONLY thing you have control over is the way that you choose to react or feel about something – your mindset and emotions.
Proactive mindset + career success
According to a study conducted by S.E.Seibert examining the relationship between proactive personality and career success. It was found that proactive personalities were positively associated with more promotions and higher salaries and also enjoyed their careers more. Further more, in another study conducted by Crant 2000, it was found that proactive individuals are change and action oriented, which enables them to identify improvement opportunities, take actions and persevere until they change and improve the status quo. Career growth refers to “the process through which individuals develop new skills and capabilities and take on new responsibilities and enriched job roles to achieve future career goals and objectives”(1)
It all comes down to mindset. We now understand that a proactive mindset has been found to be a prime predictor of entrepreneurial success. People who have adopted this personality trait have the mindset that focuses on the belief they are responsible for creating their environment. Attitude is everything – essentially everything that occurs in life is just an event, whether you see it as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ really comes down to the lens you apply, or the emotion that you apply to it.
Proactivity begins with a positive daily routine
The most successful people in the world have adopted a consistent and quality daily routine. In order to master your mindset, you must first master your emotions and one of the best ways to do this is to adopt an empowering daily routine that puts you in the optimal state of mind on every level.
When you own your morning, you will elevate your life.
My EVOLVE PROGRAM will help you to identify your goals, implement long lasting change in your habits and routines that will empower you to master every aspect of your life.
A quality morning ritual provides you with the mental strength to achieve consistency in other endeavours. In fact when you take care of the front end of your day, the rest of your day will take care of itself. In just 60 minutes, you can drastically improve your health, mindset, emotional state and spirituality. When you do so, you will be unstoppable, you will be happier, healthier and more productive. If you have a solid morning routine, you are more equipped to handle challenges with grace and ease. In fact, you have already predicted them in your morning planning session and anticipated how you will respond.
Mastering your mindset
Mastering your emotions is the most important skill we can learn. We have already seen how there are so many things outside of our control that we will face daily with the Circle of Influence, however choosing how to respond and the ‘meaning’ you attach to the experience is what emotional mastery is about.
Many become victims to their emotions and believe they have no control over their feelings. This is simply untrue. You are in control of your thoughts and feelings and can change the way you react and deal with things. You can choose whether you see something as good or bad. So how can you master your emotions?
The first thing you have to do is to become hyper aware of the meaning you apply to any given event. An example could be when you are driving and someone cuts you off. You may react in anger or frustration “you idiot, why are you driving like that!” and focus on all of the negative things about that event, or you could associate a different meaning to the event and perhaps think “that person clearly is in a hurry more than I am” or “I am not sure they saw me here and hence accidentally cut me off – no big deal, I am grateful to be driving safely and I will get to my destination soon enough”. Imagine if you turned your mindset around and saw things as either neutral or a positive experience how much calmer and happier you would be.
Nothing in life actually has meaning – it is all how you perceive it.
There are the facts which don’t include emotions or feelings and there is the meaning you apply to the fact. For example, we can be in a negative environment where there is suffering all around you and still find meaning, happiness and not be controlled by the external events – have you ever seen the movie La Dolce Vita, or read Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankel? These stories tell the tale of these men living in concentration camps and finding meaning even though they were exposed to such adverse conditions.
Understanding that it is the meaning that creates the emotion, means that you can change the meaning you apply just by asking yourself a different question.
Focus on the positive
One of my favorite Tony Robbins quotes is:
“Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you”.
An abundance mindset is when you choose gratitude and appreciation over criticism and negativity. If you have ever heard the saying “like attracts like”, then you would understand that coming from a positive mindset will attract more positive things.
Next time you are in a new environment or situation ask yourself, “What’s great about this? What else could this mean? What’s good about this?” Making yourself find the good in every situation is going to radically change how you feel about it.
Even situations that maybe negative are considered to be happening ‘for a reason’, either to teach you a lesson, slow you down, make you pay attention – the universe always has a plan. You have a choice on how you react to it.
An example of how this applies, is when two people have the same experience, such as losing a parent. One person associates this event as depressing, life changing, unable to cope “I have lost my parent”, “my life will never be the same” and the other finds the positive. He/She thinks, “I am so grateful for the time I had with them, I am blessed at all of the lessons I learned from them, I am happy they are no longer suffering and are in a place of peace, I will use this experience to fuel me to live a more purposeful and meaningful life”.
Therefore, he cherishes his life. He’s going to take advantage of all the opportunities. He’s going to stop and smell the roses. He’s going to just live his life more fully, and be more alive, because of that event. As you can see, it’s not the event. It’s the meaning that you associate with it.
Focus on your goals
When you have a clear vision of your goal and devote your energy to it you will be surprised at what you are capable of. We all have downtime between work, family, errands that we can take advantage of. Use these moments to catch up on podcasts or books that educate and inspire and help you further your goals.
The difference between those who are focused about their goals and devote focus and energy to it versus others, is that most people are stuck in reaction mode. Instead of developing a plan, most people simply react to situations as they arise, and as a consequence never get ahead. Their focus is dispersed and hence do not have enough energy to flow toward their big goal. Whilst they may reach small goals, they will never get what they really want.
Having a clear result or outcome and learning how to focus on it immediately changes your behaviour to get results. When you focus on ‘energy flows where attention goes” life you become more mindful of your thoughts and behaviours because you see the bigger picture.
Need some help? Answer these four questions to start to the process of what you want:
- What is something you want to achieve in the next 36 months?
- Why MUST you achieve this no matter what?
- What is the one small action you can take now to get started?
- What are some of the 6 and 9 month goals you can set to hold yourself accountable?
Focus on the results you are committed to daily, and you’ll find yourself consistently moving toward the result you’re after – and very often accomplishing them faster than you expected.
You can change the way you feel
There are three practical ways you can change the way you feel.
- Change what you focus on. Whatever your are focusing on will end up being how you are feeling. If you focus on negative things, then you will be in a negative mindset, if you focus on positive, you will change your mindset for the better and feel happier.
- Be conscious of how you are using your body. Moving your body via exercise, smiling, good posture helps you release endorphins, dopamine, and certain chemicals that make you feel good.
- Positive Talk. Become hyper ware of your self talk. Speaking in positive ways to yourself and others will change how you feel. After all your language and what you say becomes your belief system – if you are always saying “she sucks, this sucks or I can’t do this”, then that is what you will believe and that is what you will attract.
These three things, your focus, your physiology and your language are the most important things to master in order to master your emotions.
Focus your energy + adopt new habits
The more that you practice positive emotional states, emotions, ways of focusing or using your body, the more automatic and natural that feels for you. One of my favorite ways of doing that is by using a daily routine. Every single morning, spend 15 minutes to an hour, conditioning yourself and conditioning your focus.
- Meditation +gratitude practice: Spending time every day to meditate or focus on what you are grateful for is scientifically proven to improve your mindset.
- Planning your day: Plan what you are going to complete today that is contributing to you achieving your larger vision and goals will drastically improve the quality and the outcome of your life.
- Exercise: Conditioning your body with 20 mins of exercise releases dopamine and endorphins to change your mindset and help you focus during the day.
Mastering emotions, it does take time, it does take practice, but over time, you get better and better at it, and you get to a point where things could be happening, negative things, and you just don’t respond and react in a negative way. It doesn’t really affect you as much.
It affects your relationships, your friendships. It affects your productivity, your happiness. It affects your business, your success, your health. Everything is affected by your emotions and how you go about your day.
I would love to challenge you to change your morning and change your day. If you are not sure where to start, I can help you achieve clarity and focus with my EVOLVE PROGRAM.
References
Proactive Personality as a Predictor of Career Adaptability and Career Growth Potential: A View From Conservation of Resources Theory, Source: https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.699461
